Don’t tell anyone. It’s my little secret. But I don’t, not really anyway. I try to keep it to myself because I think most people assume that since I have a herd of children I must love them. I do love MY children, but in general I don’t like children. I’d say I like my children a solid 70% of the time. Most of that is while they’re sleeping.

Admitting this probably makes me look like a bad mom. (that and all the wine bottles in the recycle bin.) But, today at church I found another mom who doesn’t like kids either.

It was the most spiritual moment I think I have ever had at church.

Both of our husbands volunteered to help out with the children’s religious exploration program this summer. At one point or another they each thought they would not be there for their assigned days and we were going to have to fill in.

Seriously, I can’t think of anything worse than working down in the children’s area.

It’s so loud.

And germy.

And filled with children.

Ick.

Dallas wanted me to volunteer with him. I told him no, I don’t like kids. I think he loves me a little less because of it, but I don’t care. One of the other women at church told me my name came up as a potential RE teacher and they all just laughed. Maybe I’m not as good at hiding my true feelings as I think I am.

I like babies. Before they can walk or talk much. When all they want to do is sleep or look up at you like you’re the sun, moon, and stars. That’s awesome. Then they start asking for things and breaking stuff and I fall out of love pretty quickly.

Older kids don’t bother me. Right about 7th grade my kids started being fun. They can handle sarcasm and give it right back. They learned well, like good Jedi Knights.

For the most part I like my friends children. I’ll babysit, just not everyday. I don’t like them that much. The cooler the friend, the more likely it is I’m going to like their children. As soon as you start irritating me, your kids will too. Just a heads up.

I also hate, and I mean really hate, talking to children on the phone. I can’t understand anything kids say over the phone. Most of the time I can’t understand what adults are saying over the phone. I hate the phone. If you call me, odds are I’m not paying attention after the first 15 minutes. Just text me, so I can answer when I feel like it. Thanks.

But don’t give your kids my cell number. I only text my own children. Texting other children would be creepy.

I know that I am guilty of making people talk to my children on the phone. It sucks. I’m sorry. I won’t ever do it again. Except to my mother. I like to put Reese or Jackson on the phone with her and let them just walk away. Jackson could talk for hours. It’s hysterical. I’ll shoot a video next time and you’ll see. No wait, I hate watching videos of kids too.

Nevermind.

I’m glad I got that off my chest. Please tell me some of you feel the same way so I don’t feel like such a jerk.