Have I told you that I have no sense of direction? Nope, none. I get lost everywhere I go. It often makes me cry. I hate it. It is the trait (aside from my shnoz) that I hate the most about myself.

Dallas and I argue about it all the time. He doesn’t understand why I get lost all the time. I don’t understand how he knows North from South. It’s a constant battle. Usually I count on my iPhone to get me from point A to point B, but sometimes Google leads me astray.

Sometimes Dallas leads me astray.

Today was one of those days.

Dallas is on block leave. That’s Army for “vacation.” It’s also married for “potential murder.” Seriously. I love him and all, but two weeks at home is almost more than I can take. We started out ok. He and John did some fishing. They went backpacking.

That meant I had the house to myself. No cooking, just sandwiches or mac and cheese for the twinkies. For me, popcorn, wine, and The Real Housewives for dinner. I love it. I even took the twinkies out to The Reindeer Farm, as seen here.

We even took the twinkies camping while John was on his whirlwind trip to Los Angeles.

It was good.

Then Dallas got sick. As I’ve mentioned before he acts like a typical annoying male when he is sick.

This morning I was over it. After I made lunch for the family I decided to load up the twinkies and go out to see the Matanuska Glacier. John had a busy day of playing soccer with his friends, so he could not come. Dallas was dying of a cold.

Before I left Dallas asked if I knew where I was going. I had already plugged “Matanuska Glacier” into the map on my phone. Obviously, I knew where I was going.

Or not.

Upon further inspeciton Dallas, the map maestro, decided my map was incorrect. So, he did what any good husband would do, he plugged in a new map. He told me, “That’ll get you there.”

So I drove.

And drove.

And drove some more.

With two 4-year-olds in the car. After an hour they started to whine, “IT’S TAKING SOOOO LONG!!!” In spite of that, it was pleasant. It was an amazing drive, mountains on one side, a rushing river on the other.

Then I saw the turn, I hung a left.

I drove a mile, then the paved road ended.

FRICK ON A STICK!

I was lost. I was lost in the middle of nowhere.

I was never going to make it to the glacier because Reese & Jackson were losing their minds.

I turned around and drove another hour back to the Dairy Queen.

With gas, I think those cones cost us $27.50.

If only I could have had a good sense of direction instead of being so damn beautiful.