Contrary to what my teenage son thinks, I am not stupid. Although I’ve always operated under the suspicion that he assumes I don’t know anything about anything, last night he proved it.
Yesterday I needed onions. It was a perfect summer day so I never made it to the grocery store. I made it to the liquor store, but that was absolutely necessary. Around 8 PM John asked if he could have dessert. I told him that there wasn’t really much in the house, but he could go to the store and get some ice cream and a bag of onions.
It should have been an easy trip. He can get to the store in 5 minutes,without crossing any busy streets. Not that crossing busy streets is a big deal, he’s almost 15 I think he can handle it. He has a debit card. We give he and Taryn their allowances on the card which helps us track their spending. It also makes little errands like this easy. All he had to do was tell me how much he spent and I would transfer it back to his card.
It’s 2011, I never have cash.
He left and was back home within 15 minutes. He had two 1/2 gallon tubs of ice cream.
No onions.
I asked him, “where are the onions?”
“They didn’t have any.”
“The didn’t have any onions?”
“Nope. Not the kind you get.”
“They didn’t have a bag of onions?”
“Nope.”
I tried to breathe. It was difficult.
“Ok. What kind of ice cream did you get?”
“Mint chocolate chip for you and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.”
“How much did you spend?”
“$14″
“14???”
“Yeah.”
“Wait, you spent $14 on two 1/2 gallons of ice cream?”
“Well, maybe it was only $10, because I got $4 change.”
“How did you get change? Didn’t you use your debit card?”
“No, I used my card.”
“Then there’s no way you got change.”
“Well, the guy behind me had a saver card and he swiped it so they gave me back $4.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. Where’s the receipt?”
“Umm..I don’t know…”
“Where’s the bag the ice cream was in?”
“It busted open on the way home.”
“No it didn’t”
“It did, I just carried the ice cream home.”
“So for all you know the guy behind you could have charged all of his groceries to your card.”
“No, well…no I don’t….no.”
This is where I paused and tried not to freak out. Teenagers do that to you. They make you think you are losing your mind. I’m pretty sure it is what they teach them in those worthless ‘Health’ classes. There was an easy solution. I logged on to the bank account to see how much he had actually charged on his debit card.
There was the charge, $14.27.
I sat for a few minutes trying to figure out my next move. I wanted to go to the store and have him show me the ice cream and the price. I wanted to make him prove that he spent that much on just ice cream. I also wanted to show him the stupid onions.
I’d already taken my bra off, so I was having trouble getting motivated to be a good parent.
Finally I called him up and had him put on his shoes. I said come on, we’re going back to the store.
We walked outside and almost got in the car when he said, “Mom, I bought a soda too. It was like $2.”
I said, “So the ice cream was about $12?”
“Yeah and then the guy behind me swiped his saver card and the cashier said I would have saved $4 so he gave me back the $4.”
“Because your debit card had already been charged?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So the ice cream was about $8?”
“Umm, yeah probably. I didn’t look at the price.”
“John, why didn’t you just say that? I don’t care if you bought a soda. You’re almost 15, it’s your money what do I care?”
“Umm…well…I don’t know.”
“I’m not stupid. I knew you bought something else.”
He shrugged. Looked at me like I was stupid and walked back in the house.
I put my bra back on over a stupid Dr. Pepper.
I know what you mean about the bra story. Once its off for the night, its off. I aint putting it on unless its life or death.
I think teens will always think their parents are stupid. It must be a teenager requirement or something.
It’s in the rulebook. Think parents are stupid is the first rule.
LOL! Over stupid Dr Pepper !
Love hearing about all your John stories. I feel I’m preparing myself for my own teenage battles ahead
Ha, well I hope it helps someone since they drive me batty!
Screw them. I woulda totally left my bra off. Let ‘em look! Let ‘em stare! Let ‘em comment on those pointy things sticking out on either side of my belly button, looking to the right and left.
Hahaha! I should have. You’re so much smarter than me!
Yep, wearing a bra just for Dr. Pepper is definitely not worth it.
I mean, he is a doctor and all, but no not worth it!
Wow. It is so nice to see that I am not alone in that bra dilemma. And no matter what you do,your kids will always think you are stupid. Unless, of course,they get hit over the head with something heavy, or they have kids of their own.
So you can either smash ‘em over their heads or wait for them to have kids who are calling them stupid. And hope that they are in the 15% of kids who actually remember that they did the same, or like the rest who totally deny they were ever that way.
I deny it, I don’t know why my kids will be any different!!
LOL, this made me laugh so much! I can just see the conversation. I mean really. It reminds me of the days when I was a teenager. I think all teenagers think their parents are stupid. This was priceless.
Thanks! I’m glad you liked it. I just clicked on your blog, can’t wait to read it…it might be a bit though. The natives are getting restless!
Rachel, I can’t comment on your blog or find any other way to contact you! Can you help me out?
“I’d already taken my bra off, so I was having trouble getting motivated to be a good parent.”
HAHAHA! I think this might be the best sentence I’ve ever read!
Ha! Thanks, it wasn’t funny when it happened. But writing it made me realize how insane my logic is!
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I can feel your frustration reading this entry!
John never fails to deliver. 
Thanks Bridget for your hilarious posts! Your site is becoming a habit. I keep coming back! 
TEENAGERS….YES…they think we are stupid and that we were never teenagers….I was a BAD teenager… really BAD…the sooner my four teens realize that I always know the truth the better off they will be!!
You’re not stupid. I’m not stupid. But, our parents? TOTALLY stupid….am I right?? Pshah….
Yes, totally stupid. Even now.