I go to a lot of meetings. I’m not important or anything, I just volunteer some and have a million children. It’s really annoying. The worst meetings are the ones for the kid’s school. There’s always someone who has to tell their little anecdote or ask a stupid question. I want to punch that person in the gut. Hard. I also want to punch most of the people who run these meetings.
I know violence is not the answer. So instead, I have come up with a list of rules to be followed when running school-related meetings. Feel free to adapt to any meeting.
1. Don’t read to me - I’m 36, story time is over. Don’t hand me a bunch of paper and then read them to me. Seriously, this just happened. I sat through more than an hour of someone reading me handouts. If I hadn’t been tweeting with my bloggy friend Grace I would have sliced that broad in the jugular with her stupid stack of papers.
2. You get one hour - ONE HOUR. There is no reason any meeting should take more than an hour. We’re not curing cancer, we’re planning the frickin’ bake sale.
3. Don’t schedule it at a stupid time - Last week I went to a meeting for the twinkies preschool. Their school is on the Army post. Our post is not run by the Army, it is run by another branch. I like to blame everything on them. They held the meetings at 8:30 AM or 12:30 PM. That’s convenient. The only thing better than bringing children to a meeting is bringing children to a meeting when they’re hungry. Thanks for that.
4. Write crap down - No joke, at the above mentioned meeting they handed out an outline of what they were going to discuss. It said, “Phone Numbers” so they told us the phone numbers. Why not just type the numbers on the sheet? All the information they gave us could have been emailed out or filled out in the classroom. So completely stupid.
5. Don’t be dumb - Stop asking me to fill out useless forms. I know that half the crap I fill out just goes into a file that no one ever looks at again. At the preschool meeting they had a form concerning holidays. It requested that I write down how we celebrate different holidays, including decor and traditions. The list included President’s Day and Labor Day. Seriously, I don’t have time for this crap.
We were also asked to evaluate the teachers and my interactions with them. They start school tomorrow. TOMORROW. This meeting was last week. I asked how I could evaluate the teachers, since school hadn’t started yet. I was told to “just fill it out to the best of your ability.” No problem. I threw it in the trash.
One last note, and this is kind of a big one. FREAKING PRACTICE!! If you’re going to get up in front of people and talk, practice. It’s not that hard. If you’re not comfortable, don’t do it. This isn’t a class, you’re not being graded. If you’re crappy at public speaking do us all a favor and hand the mic to someone else.
This public service message was brought to you by an annoyed parent. You’re welcome.
I have been waiting for this blog since the meeting and didn’t even think about you having to go to other stupid meetings for your teen twins. You poor woman you deserve a second or third glass or bottle of wine for this.
Bahahaha ! You know, after our “twitter chat”, I rummaged through our garage to get to our sad wine collection. I pulled out and dusted down a gorgeous bottle of red from our Hunter Valley (Google it). So, ready when you are for the drinkie-poo Skype chat
Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! The only thing better than griping about a meeting is doing it publicly in a forum where they are sure to read it. Love this post- I’m with you, sister. Not in the army anymore, but there sure do seem to be a lot of meetings I have to make.
Also- I saw you added the blog to your “love” site. Thanks so much!!!
ha ha ha! That is why I avoid meetings at all cost and look like such a loser. Do you think if I repost this it will be a well received hint?
A hint, yes. Well received? NO!! But you should do it anyway.
Right there w you, sister. One year, I left the sixth grade open house mtg after about ten min of the teacher reading to me from the handout. My reasoning: I had long ago learned to read, and clearly she had nothing to add to what was on the paper. Sadly, the school year was no better than the mtg. Sometimes, you can just tell.
I almost left. Taryn would have died of embarrassment, not that it would be the first time that had happened:)
sounds as if it has not changed since you went to school !/ it is good to know you are getting the same treatment / now you see what we had to live threw !!!! ///
I don’t know how you survived! Must have been because I was so awesome:)
Bravo! This is what all of us are thinking during meetings, thank you for saying it. I worked for the state government for 7 years. 5.3 years of this time was spent in meetings. I wish I could have forwarded this link then–it would have felt really good!
Hahaha! 5.3 of 7:) If you had forwarded this you would have spent much less time in meetings. Probably less time employed too!
I love this. I love you, this, all of it. So true. I sit in meetings about meetings (I’m a teacher) All. The. Time. This is precisely how I feel. I think the fact that you want to punch people in the gut and sever their jugulars is exactly why this post speaks to me. Thank you for that.
You’re welcome:) Maybe the pre-school meeting would not have been so bad if it was just us & the teachers!
I love it. I agree with every rule and the whole rule about being 1 hour is the best by far.
Thanks, I love when people agree with me!
At middle school orientation last week I noticed FIVE MOTHERS CARRIED OVER FROM ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Two of them got on the mic. I will never ever be joining any parentally-related groups at this school because I did a little dance that I was over Becky (yes Becky) and her dentures (swear to god) yelling at us for not pulling up far enough at the pick-up line when Noah was already at my car when the car in front of me left. Now she’s in charge of making money for the band. Screw the band. I don’t care.
Ugh, alpha mom’s. Taryn is in a special, high-speed program at her school. So the PTA is just a room full of alpha moms and one alpha dad who is more irritating than all the moms combined.
Screw the band. Love it.
–Yeah,
I’ve noticed you always get that idiot who asks a studip question right at the end of those meetings! And I usually look over to give them the Stink Eye. xx
Most of them are too stupid to even realize they are getting the stink eye!!
If only people would really follow these rules. I can’t stand being read to at meetings. I’m a big girl with a college degree, don’t treat me like a toddler.
Exactly! I can’t stand it. One of these days I’m going to lose it and say something. That’s what having a million kids does to you.
Uh-oh! I was just recently asked to be on the Parents Board for Sweet Peas preschool. The first meeting is tonight! I hope everyone has already established and read these rules!!
Ha! Good luck!!
Wow! This is great! I may have to print it out (I’ll credit you, of course) & take it with me to my next lame meeting. You would think it’s common sense. Apparently not. Loved #’s 2 & 5… especially, “fill it out to the best of your ability” Oh I haven’t met them at all, but I should fill it out anyway. Seriously?
Seriously. It was so annoying. I might have filled it out based on last year’s teacher & admin person, but they are all gone this year. So…duh.
Thankfully haven’t gone through this yet, but will probably start soon with the Boy starting preschool next week (sob), actually have first parent meeting on tuesday. I’m going to print this out (translate it into Italian) and hand it out to parents and teachers alike first thing, hopefully it’ll save me from this hell for the next three years (alternatively, I’ll be immediately singled out as the troublemaking parent, either way I win!)
p.s. thanks for including me in the blogs you “heart”!
Yes, you do win. The troublemaking parent hardly gets asked to do anything. (not that I know from experience or anything!) I bet is sounds a lot nicer in Italian!!
p.s. You’re welcome! Sorry you got lost for a while…it was there, then not, then there again…I kind of suck at that part of blogging!!
Fill in to the best of your ability? I’d be like, “How’s this for my ability: eff you mothereffer!”…but not abbreviated because if they don’t blog, they wouldn’t have had a clue what I was talking about.
Great points though. I’m especially fond of “we’re not curing cancer we’re planning the bake sale!” Booya! Love. That!
Everyone takes this stuff way too seriously. It’s just a bake sale or a form or whatever. We don’t need all these meetings, I have wine to drink!!
I am absolutely throwing you a big AMEN sister!
Thanks sister!
Number 1 is the best… but I think if you can write it down do and save me the meeting!!
[...] schools need help. I’m happy to help in any way I can. But I have rules. I will only give one hour of my time for meetings and I will not sell things to my friends and family. With rare exceptions (like my friend [...]