I go to a lot of meetings. I’m not important or anything, I just volunteer some and have a million children. It’s really annoying. The worst meetings are the ones for the kid’s school. There’s always someone who has to tell their little anecdote or ask a stupid question. I want to punch that person in the gut. Hard. I also want to punch most of the people who run these meetings.
I know violence is not the answer. So instead, I have come up with a list of rules to be followed when running school-related meetings. Feel free to adapt to any meeting.
1. Don’t read to me - I’m 36, story time is over. Don’t hand me a bunch of paper and then read them to me. Seriously, this just happened. I sat through more than an hour of someone reading me handouts. If I hadn’t been tweeting with my bloggy friend Grace I would have sliced that broad in the jugular with her stupid stack of papers.
2. You get one hour - ONE HOUR. There is no reason any meeting should take more than an hour. We’re not curing cancer, we’re planning the frickin’ bake sale.
3. Don’t schedule it at a stupid time - Last week I went to a meeting for the twinkies preschool. Their school is on the Army post. Our post is not run by the Army, it is run by another branch. I like to blame everything on them. They held the meetings at 8:30 AM or 12:30 PM. That’s convenient. The only thing better than bringing children to a meeting is bringing children to a meeting when they’re hungry. Thanks for that.
4. Write crap down - No joke, at the above mentioned meeting they handed out an outline of what they were going to discuss. It said, “Phone Numbers” so they told us the phone numbers. Why not just type the numbers on the sheet? All the information they gave us could have been emailed out or filled out in the classroom. So completely stupid.
5. Don’t be dumb - Stop asking me to fill out useless forms. I know that half the crap I fill out just goes into a file that no one ever looks at again. At the preschool meeting they had a form concerning holidays. It requested that I write down how we celebrate different holidays, including decor and traditions. The list included President’s Day and Labor Day. Seriously, I don’t have time for this crap.
We were also asked to evaluate the teachers and my interactions with them. They start school tomorrow. TOMORROW. This meeting was last week. I asked how I could evaluate the teachers, since school hadn’t started yet. I was told to “just fill it out to the best of your ability.” No problem. I threw it in the trash.
One last note, and this is kind of a big one. FREAKING PRACTICE!! If you’re going to get up in front of people and talk, practice. It’s not that hard. If you’re not comfortable, don’t do it. This isn’t a class, you’re not being graded. If you’re crappy at public speaking do us all a favor and hand the mic to someone else.
This public service message was brought to you by an annoyed parent. You’re welcome.