Jackson had to go to the dentist this morning. I know some people get really freaked out by the dentist, I’m not one of them. I’ve never been afraid of the dentist. It’s not that I haven’t had bad experiences that should have made me anti-denti, when you change dentists every three years, you’re bound to get a few quacks.
The big kids and I saw one in Texas that was so old I thought he was going to die while he was counting my teeth. Seriously. He was really old. His office was old. His assistant was old. Even his instruments were old, it was scary. I felt like we were in a Medieval torture chamber. I went to a complete sheister in Georgia. Every time I went I needed some sort of treatment that was not covered by my insurance and would cost a gajillion dollars. The last time I went there he never even looked in my mouth before suggesting a treatment. I didn’t go to Dentistry school, but I’m fairly certain they need to look at my teeth before suggesting a treatment.
One of the few bright spots in our life in Alaska is our dentist. He’s great. His office is nice. His staff is incredibly friendly. He’s fabulous with the kids, both big and small. That’s quite a feat considering one of those kids is Jackson, or as we like to call him – Satan.
He knew he had to go to the dentist today. That’s why he started panicking and crying promptly at 6 AM. He wouldn’t eat breakfast. He refused to get dressed. He cried while I brushed his teeth.
He didn’t want to go to the dentist.
He was scared.
He wanted to stay home.
He wanted to play video games.
He wanted his Daddy.
This was all made more difficult by the fact that it was pajama day at preschool. A BIG FUN day. (As if every day at preschool isn’t big fun.) I had to take him to school, where he could see all his friends in their jammies and excited, drop off Reese and then make him leave again. He had cried all the way to school, calmed down for the five minutes we were inside, then cried all the way to the office.
He might have been upset because he was hot. I put clothes on over his pajamas. I thought it would be weird to take my child to the dentist, in 13 degree weather, in pajamas. I didn’t want them to call CPS on me. (In hindsight it would have been nice to have the night off)
I told the receptionist that he had been crying all morning, so the dentist would be prepared. When we were called back he froze, planted his feet in the ground. I had to carry him back to the room.
When the dentist walked in he looked at him and yelled, “Underwear!” Then, “You’re underwear!” Our good-natured dentist played along. He showed him the tools he would use on his tooth. He told him jokes. He listened and laughed when Jackson told the why did the chicken cross the road joke.
Then he tried to do the filling.
Jackson would not stop talking. He kept yelling out “AWKWARD” and “CHICKEN” and saying to the dentist, “You’re an apple!”
(That last one sounds a lot like something else, but I’m sure he was saying ‘apple’)
But that wasn’t the worst part. He kept moving the dentist and his assistant’s hands away. He reached up and pulled the dentist’s finger out of his mouth. He pushed the assistant’s tools out of his face.
I had to hold his hands at his sides. He wasn’t freaking out because he was scared. He’s just crazy.
Once I had his hands down he started using his teeth and tongue to get control of his mouth. He started chattering his teeth, with the dentist’s fingers in his mouth. Chomping with his teeth and pushing the tools out with his tongue.
All the while yelling out.
“AWKWARD”
“CHICKEN”
“YOU’RE AN APPLE”
It was like trying to do a filling on a feral cat.
He kept sliding his tongue over the filling, making it impossible for it to set.
Since I’m the Mom I kept it all under control. Not really, I kept laughing, which only made him act more crazy.
Finally, they resorted to clamping a rubber sheet of something over the tooth, so it would be dry enough for the filling (or seal, or whatever it was) to bond.
That’s when he lost his mind. He cried. And screamed. And yelled, “I want to go HOME!!”
He cried so much that when they were finished his ears were wet from tears. (Don’t feel too bad about that, he did bite the dentist at least 136 times.)
I have to go for my cleaning on Thursday. I probably won’t yell “Chicken” quite as much.
Okay, so I feel do bad for the kid becauase this is actually my personal nightmare and he hasn’t even approached the really bad stuff yet! For whatever reason, dentists find me REALLY hard to numb me. I’m talking several shots until they just say “we can’t do any more for you, we are going to drill/grind now” kind of NOT numb. I had a crown put on where there were tears streaming down my cheeks and it hurt SO much that I honestly HAD to pull the hand of the dentist out of my mouth. I paid my next dentist and absurd amount of money (because insurance didn’t cover it) to administer a laughable amount of valium when I got my second crown. It did not help. My last dentist (before Equity dropped dental coverage for us) was named Doctor Payne, DDS. I kid you not.
I should probably see a dentist in that next year or so, but AEA dropped dental coverage. Crap.
Here’s the thing, he’s not actually scared of the dentist. He’s just crazy!
So, what you are really saying is that maybe I should NOT have told the dentist you referred me….
Maybe not…
Freaking Hilarious. I have to share this with my husband since he is a dentist. I laughed the whole time while reading it.(I’m not completeley heartless I do shed some sympathy for Jackson). Now when Belle tells Jackson her dad is a Dentist he will never talk to her again. Social Suicide.
It’s too bad, they would have made a cute couple.
Oh B! You bad Mama, you! Would it have been helpful if you sat on the chair with him, I mean sat him on your lap? You’d probably be on the Dentist’s way, huh? Actually, Mikaela’s dentist suggested to do a conscious sadation or an oral sedation for the filling session, because a 4-year-old will definitely be opening her mouth for a period of time and she cautioned it would be traumatizing. She asked for my pediatrician’s contact number in case we go for the sedation thing. I’ll let you know how it’ll turn out.
Oh, please insert the word NOT on this, “4-year-old will NOT definitely be opening”…
He’s not scared-he’s just a wild child!
Good luck with Mikaela. It’s better to sedate her than have her scared of the dentist for her whole life.
Awwww…. Poor Jackson. Also poor you, but at least you could go home and drink a whole box of wine.
I totally did that.
Ok is it bad that I would never tell Evan when his appointments were until we went? That way I didn’t have to hear all of the crying until we got there. Then I bribed him with whatever he wanted. He always cried and usually threw up. Awesome right? The other 3 were just fine. If it helps any… He just gets nervous now but does pretty well.
I see nothing wrong with secrets and bribery as parenting tactics.
Aww! But so funny! The best part about this is that you were laughing, not because I think that’s mean but because at least you can laugh about this type of situation.
I laugh at inapproprite times…I can’t help it.
Your dentist is a Saint! Zuki’s first dentist was such a Beeyach – she wouldn’t stick around for him to settle in. She left him in the hands of the hygienist, who was worse. Now, SHE is an apple.
He is a saint. If I didn’t hate Alaska so much I might stay here just for him.
I was going to suggest mild sedation for Jackson, but I think you need enough to knock out an elephant to get him to sit still:). Poor baby, I have a very unnatural fear of dentists. When you kids were little, the dentist had me call when I was on my way and then the assistant came to the car and got you guys while I waited in the car. Just being in the office panics me. Maybe Jackson got that from me?? If so sorry!
He’s not scared, just completely crazy.
Poor kid,I can relate. I used to be terrified of the dentist, they had to drug me before I even got to the office or I’d have a panic attack on the chair.
He’s fine. He usually likes going, just got a little sore this time.
Make sure the dentist doesn’t bite YOU in retaliation! Poor little man!
Haha! I wouldn’t blame him!
I have heard some grown men while in the waiting room yell chicken and cry lots
I love going to the dentist, in fact I fell asleep during cleaning one time. But most people are more like Jackson when it comes to dentist. You know that right?
Jackson is usually ok, I think his panic in the morning was more about missing the big fun at preschool!
I don’t mind it either. I might take a nap at my cleaning tomorrow, great idea:)
Oh my God! Seriously, I can’t stop laughing. I’m pretty sure,
the dentist didn’t think it was this funny but, OMG hilarious, especially the: You’re an apple..it does sound like something else!
He’s good-humored, he didn’t mind:)
ha ha ha! That made my day…and he’s sooo cute!!! Does just the dentist pull out the verbal Tourette’s in him?
Everything pulls out the verbal Tourette’s in him!
And I thought I was the only one who randomly yelled out “awkward” in public!
Nope, just Jackson…and you!
OH MY GOD FUCKING HILARIOUS! Please can I have Jackson? PLEASE? The thing is, that yelling thing he does of random words?…my nephew does it…and he’s special…like the real kind.
Jackson is just wild and crazy. You can have him, but it’s a package deal-you have to take all 4.
The chicken crossing the road joke is funny!!! Did the dentist laugh? Did the assistant laugh? It’s freaking funny, Bridget!
Poor Jackson. Pardon my southern slang, but bless that boys heart … You’re an apple. HILARIOUS!! Mainly, though, I tip my hat at the fact that you had a hard time not laughing throughout the whole thing. I’m so freakin’ tense or whatever, I would have been frustrated. Good for you for staying loose.
I’m probably too loose… inappropriately so.
Awkward chicken, you’re an apple. That might be my catch phrase from now on.
I don’t know how I got so lucky but my kids are great at the dentist. I’m very thankful for that.
#acyaa
Hahahaha! #acyaa. Awesomesauce.
Oh my goodness, the poor kid. And poor you. And poor dentist – I wonder how many kids they get like that – must be more common than not??And…I just read another post a day or two ago about a kid who said “You’re an apple” – definitely thought that was what people were saying when they said a@@hole – it might have been Momma Kiss?