Not with them with them, don’t be gross. (Unless that’s a thing in your family. I’m not judging – I just won’t do it.) One of the most challenging things about being a mom is trying to manage bathroom activities without constant interruptions. No matter how old your children are, the minute you close the bathroom door they need your attention.
With teenagers you can get even. I suggest pounding on the door and asking them about their homework, soccer practice, or whether the dog has been fed as soon as you hear the shower running. Slightly immature, but highly effective.
Younger kids never really figure it out. They want what they want and they want it now. Usually, it is your undivided attention or answers to some of life’s most important questions. I usually shower in the morning before I take them to preschool. This is my first shower – the one before my run or the gym – so it’s super-fast. I don’t shave or wash my hair. 5-7 minutes, tops. Every day. Every. Single. Day. Each of the twinkies comes in and asks if they can play the Wii.
Every day the answer is the same. “No, we don’t play the Wii in the morning.” (They would probably stop asking so much if I actually stuck to this rule every day. But sometimes they’re really annoying and the Wii is the only way to get them to leave me the frick alone.)
Reese always has to make a poop while I’m showering. Here’s the problem – his poop really stinks. I don’t understand how someone so small and so cute can produce something that smells so horrible. Seriously, I have to hold my nose.
The smell is worsened by the fact that I take really hot showers. I don’t even turn on the cold water. When I come out I’m beat read and the bathroom is very steamy. Since the smoke alarm is conveniently located right outside the shower door anyone who comes in while I’m showering has to shut the door immediately or the alarm will go off from the steam.
This morning, I’m in the shower and it is steamy as always. Reese came in (closing the door behind him) to drop the kids off at the pool. Seconds after hearing the first plop, I held my breath. It was a bad one.
I had soap in my hair and was holding my breath in a steam-filled bathroom while my 5-year-old made a toxic dump.
Jackson opened the door. I peaked my head around, let out my breath and said, “close the door or the alarm will go off!”
Jackson said, “But Mom! But Mom, I have to ask you something!”
“You can’t play the Wii. Close the door! Close the door!!” (I held my breath again, this was a marathon poop session for Reese.)
“No Mom, it’s important.”
He closed the door. So now I’m in the shower, holding my breath, with soap in my hair.
Jackson is standing next to the tub, jumping all around like a crazy-person because he has an important question.
Reese was pooping, all red-faced trying to squeeze out as much of the stench as possible.
I can barely see either of them through the steam.
Jackson said, “Mommy…how do you spell your name?”
Frick on a stick. He can’t read or write. I just wanted to take a shower…
Oh my gosh, you literally have me cracking up with tears in my eyes. Just this morning, my son came in while I was showering and did the same thing. All I could think was that I can’t wait until we have two bathrooms…
And the line about dropping the kids off at the pool is priceless.
I can’t wait until I don’t have kids living at home anymore.
Classic! Just classic!! Hahaha! It is a truly very important question mind you, but very very inopportune too! This post just again confirmed that I can’t get enough of twinisms fixes.
I salute you friend!
Thanks Friend!
I miss those days (shaking my head no)
But did you like my someecard? I made it myself!
I just read that entire, painfully detailed account of your son’s poop, and didn’t so much as flinch. 100% mom here.
That’s kind of a sad thing to admit.
Do you even know how many times every week I ask the question: Why does everyone in this entire family have to be in the bathroom while I’m showering? Can’t I just have five minutes to myself?!
(Apparently the baby does something exciting and my husband needs to bring him in to tell me about it as soon as I turn on the water. As if I haven’t seen this “exciting” thing every five minutes for the last week and a half.)
It’s like we are being punished for something we did in a previous life.
See, it’s always something really important that can’t wait until you finish your shower.
Why do they locate the fire alarm outside the shower..why??
Just to be mean.
Are smoke alarms set off by steam? Weird. When I hang up your curtains, I’ll relocate your smoke alarm. Yes, I am awesome.
There’s an excessive number of smoke alarms in this house.
Oh, that is so not nice. I wanted to hold my nose in sympathy as I was reading the whole ending! I shower at night after they go to bed because I cannot stand anyone (even my husband) talking to me while I’m in the shower. I, too, love LOVE the hot water. Someday we’ll have the showers and hot water all to ourselves. I guess we might be sad then, but it’s hard to imagine right now!
I won’t be sad. Seriously.
I’ve started to leave the door open but put a baby gate in front of it. That way there isn’t the “closed door” excitement of Mom in the shower lets see how many times we can piss her off. It’s worked!
That would work, except it would set off the dumb smoke alarm!
You did a really good job of painting the picture of the stinky hot shower poo…I can almost smell it from here…nothing says “Good morning!” like shit fermenting in a hot, steamy bathroom.
I describe it well because I smell it every, single day.
Their poop stinks because their body hasn’t had time to accumulate all those preservatives yet (like wine…and beer). You should submit this as a stunt on “Fear Factor” or something.
Lol ! You know, this week my boys have just started walking in on me having a shower. I think it’s hilarious. They get this quizzical look on their faces, especially because I wear a shower cap. And its funny…for now.
OMG …. I am so scared to have two boys! Even more so than before!
I don’t have a problem at all showering with my kids, but I totally can relate to the fact that the minute you close the bathroom door (whether it is to shower of drop the kids off at the pool) or answer the phone, they cannot leave you for a minute.