This week Stasha and Miss Marina Star are asking us all to admit our guilty pleasures. I think you all know about my fetish for wine, People Magazine, and The Real Housewives – so I won’t rehash it. Instead I’m going to talk about soccer. Again.
Both Taryn and John are playing on their high school soccer teams right now. If I’m not watching a game I’m waiting to watch one. Or waiting for practice to end. Or purchasing soccer gear. Or trying to get the sweaty soccer player stench out of my house.
It’s great fun. I’m sure all soccer mom’s can relate. If not, here’s your chance to understand us.
You Know You’re A Soccer Mom When…
10. You breathe a sigh of relief when your child only gets a yellow card.
9. There are at least three games on the DVR at all times and you don’t recognize any of the teams.
8. Carpooling to games resembles a Benetton Ad.
7. You allow your children to kick the ball around in the house as long as they don’t hit the walls.
6. You’ve watched soccer in temperatures ranging from 20 degrees to 100 degrees.
5. You’ve watched indoor soccer sitting on bleachers, with six lanes of a track in between you and the field, while a track meet was going on.
4. There are always extra boxes of baking soda on hand for de-stinking shin guards and shoes.
3. You don’t flinch when your child shoves another child on the field. It’s allowed.
2. You hear your 15-year-old son on the phone saying, “I got some good head” and don’t bat an eye.
1. You understand the Offside Rule
I think the worst part about #5 is that they charge for the crappy view….
Seriously that whole track meet thing is a new one for me and I’ve been to some soccer games in my days! That gun goes off every five minutes or less and there’s chatty little teenagers standing right in front of me gossiping about who knows what! And the stench…..ridiculously foul!
Number 2. Bahahahaha. Made. My. Night.
Seriously 20 degrees. I don’t think I am a good enough mom for that! You rule in that area!
The stench from shoes and shinguards is disgusting. Try febreezing the shinguards and stinking them in the sun..works great. Is that seriously your indoor field? Nice field, horrible view. Funny list.
That is one of the indoor fields. It’s not as nice as it looks in that picture;)
You finally got Offsides?!?! I understand it but I never catch it. I try so hard though.
Did you watch the video?
I’m a new soccer mom. I think I get offsides but not really? And the rest I’m pretty clueless about. I’m told I’m the “unenvied” parent of the bunch, as mine is the starting goalie. rofl
I am not a soccer mom, but I understand the offside rules!!
It took me years to get it and you almost ruined it by making me watch that video..
Haha…laughing at #2
I’ve thought we could become a soccer family, but neither of my girls has ever really gotten into it.
I love watching soccer…from little kids (which I’ve watched plenty of) to adult soccer. I just don’t understand the rules like I do with, say, baseball. So, it’s not as much fun as it could be.
I don’t think I’d be a fan of the smells associated with two teenagers playing soccer though.
Ha ha – #2, oh my gawd. Thanks for the primer. Now I know what to expect!
I am definitely not a soccer mom. I will claim football and gymnastics though! LOL I love watching my kids do sports!
I LOVE soccer was hoping to get the kiddos into it this year again but looks like moving delayed another season…sigh.
Hey, you figured out offside!! do tell. And I laughed so much at #2! So this is like “my name is Bridget and I am a soccer mom” and then we go “hi Bridget” …
Exactly!
Haha! I forwarded this to my poor mother. She was the soccer mom that you described above. I played from the age of 4 until I left for college on a soccer scholorship. I love the game. My kids love to play so I’m experiencing my mom’s former life right now! She laughs. Ha!
#2 and #3 made me snort out loud…I’m suppose to be working. OOops!
Number two caught me off guard! Lol
oh hell yes. i played soccer for two decades and I’m pretty sure #1 was my mom’s life for at least four years. i’ve already told my toddler he can kick the ball around the house as long as no major damage is done. i think i might be screwed. greatness!
You know what? I think I hate just about everything on that list, and I’m about to become a soccer mom myself…my 3 yo starts soccer this month. AND I’M BOTH EXCITED AND DREADING IT. I don’t like soccer. And I make a terrible soccer mom. Terrible. Please tell me you love it. Please.
Love John Cleese – where do you find this stuff? Fortunately, soccer in NY is only big among the Irish and the Hispanic community. That puts us in the Sumo wrestling and gambling category, which is fine by me after reading this list.
I have an older brother that always played soccer and even coached one of my teams when I was in grade school. This list brings back some memories for sure – and I love Benetton ads
Great list!
Oh, my sister in soccer!! I have 4 soccer players, and this list was dead-on!! My family is so Gaga for Liverpool that we are coming home from our summer vacation EARLY to watch them play in the US!! Totally sending this to my fellow SMILFs! (That’s what the dads call us! Oy!) Erin
It’s 6am where I am and I laughed my head off when I got to Point 2. Hope I don’t wake up the twinlets !
2. You hear your 15-year-old son on the phone saying, “I got some good head” and don’t bat an eye.”
FREAKING BRILLIANT !~
#2—-> HAHAHAHA!
PS: Did you mention David Beckham? I don’t think I saw mention of David Beckham? David Beckhom? (I’m a tad obsessed.)
BAKING SODA!! brilliant! that’s what I need for the stinking shin guards…but while I can nod knowingly when people scream “offsides, he’s offsides,” I confess that really? I have no freaking idea what it really means. Could you make a list of “things that soccer moms need to know?”
We are so not a soccer family. Babe and I know NOTHING about it and hope they kiddos stay away. Although I’m sure we’ll lose that battle too!
I am so not a soccer mom.
Baking soda….I’m going to have to file that trick away for when we need it. Great list topic and list!
I LOVE learning this about you! Soccer was the first sport I put our little one in and I loved every game.
The only thing I understand about soccer is when a goal is made. Pathetic, I know. Thanks for this very informative list friend!