Stasha at Northwest Mommy is asking us to bring it home this week with a list that describes our home. I assume she doesn’t mean brown, with blue trim, decaying flower beds, and a several piles of dog and/or moose poop. But I might be wrong, we’ll see how everyone else’s lists shake out.
My House In Ten Easy Steps
10. Stinky - My friends say they don’t notice the smell, but I think they’re lying. As soon as you open the door to our place you get hit with the unique mix of teenage boy feet, teenage girl perfume (Teen Spirit anyone?) 5-year-old boy pee, and wet dog.
9. Messy - I sat down to eat lunch yesterday and Reese’s socks were on the kitchen table. There are squinkies and matchbox cars under every piece of furniture. The stupid dog insists on pawing her food out of her bowl before she eats it, so that winds up everywhere too. I could move all the furniture and clean it, but let’s try to be honest here – that’s never going to happen. This is the drawer where we keep extra flatware. And tape. And DVD’s. And cords. And broken electronics. As my Dad would say, “It’s not junk. It’s treasures!”
8. Loud - The noise here is constant Jackson is either jumping on the couch yelling “Chicken” “Awkward” or “BUTTCHEEKS,” Reese is crying because nobody likes him, or Taryn and John are fighting over who has more friends. I should buy ear plugs, but that would cut into my boxed wine budget.
7. Furry - It doesn’t matter if it is summer or winter when you live with this beast.
6. Toothy - The other day (which may have been 6 months ago, I can’t recall) Christin noted that we take mouthwash seriously in our house. She’s right. There is different mouthwash for little kids, big kids, and adults. Different toothpaste, piles of floss, and a multitude of gadgets and paraphernalia related to braces. Despite that the I’m fairly certain we all go to bed/school/out in public at least twice a week without brushing our teeth.
5. In Progress - When we bought this house we had lots of great ideas. Reface the cabinets, change out the trim, replace the carpet in the basement, remodel the upstairs bathroom. It took three weeks of working on the house to squelch all of those ideas. None of the baseboards match. There’s a giant spot in the basement where I fell down the stairs carrying a can of paint – two summers ago. The bathroom still looks like it was decorated in 1982. Worst of all, the cabinet I keep my box of wine in now closes on its own. Perhaps that’s a sign.
4. Loud - Did I say this already? Right, I have four kids, so the TV is always on – even when no one is watching, which makes me crazy. FYI Jackson, this doesn’t count:
3. Broken - I always say, if you want something broken – come to my house. Reese and Jackson break almost everything they touch. They don’t do it on purpose, they’re just boys – they’re hard on stuff. John isn’t much better, everything he comes in contact with either breaks or disappears instantly. It’s their superpower.
2. Dangerous - Not deadly dangerous, but slightly dangerous. You don’t have to wear a bullet proof vest, but some protective head gear wouldn’t be a bad idea. If you like I can have Jackson make you some like he made Dallas while he was home.
1. Fun - If you enjoy inappropriate humor from kids, bodily function jokes, and laughing until you cry then come on over. Just don’t be surprised if Jackson asks you to pull his finger.
OMG…we should be neighbours!
Only at our house you’ll be knocked over by the smell of AXE whenever Teen Unit 1 decides to make an appearance (usually in the mid-afternoon). Haaallooo…who doesn’t have a “Treasure” drawer!
Being the only female in a house of males…I’m pretty sure I’ve lost 50% of my hearing and I’ve pulled waaaaay too many fingers.
ROFL, your place sounds perfect, but I’m not pulling any fingers.
You always bring the best funny! I am not one to encourage home improvememnts but I would definitely fix the wine cabinet!
The prehistoric audience!!! Hahaha! This is one of the funniest list I’ve read, yet.
I’d still drop by if you’d have me, I’m forewarned and also, I wouldn’t mind giving you a hand if you need help with cleaning and sorting stuff.
If I was to choose two points out of the 10 you mentioned, I wouldn’t hesitate a second and would take number 8 and 4.
However loud is your place, I’m sure I can win the trophy!
Oh so funny! I love the self-closing wine cabinet!
You brought funny. I brought happiness and light and come to my house which is like a spa. I forgot the part where you won’t find a spot without dog hair, the cat WILL attack you since you aren’t us and the “leather” on the couches is 50% gone so we cover them in mismatched blankets and comforters. I think I lost my dojo with that one.
It definitely sounds fun to me – and a LOT like my house!
Yes, your house always does sound like fun! But dang, those stupid squinkies. They get everywhere, don’t they? I constantly ask myself why the heck I bought them. They may get vanished soon. Harry Potter doesn’t have all the magic skills, after all.
–Love the “Furry!” X
My house is similar to yours. It’s definitely messy but I’ve given up keeping everything in order as the kids mess it up too much on a daily basis. I just ensure that the floors are clean and most of the things stay in the same area.
Our houses sound surprisingly similar lol…Love your list
whatever happens DO NOT compromise the wine budget.
Funny list
Believe it or not, I really miss those days now! 4 kids, a dog and a full time job, mostly as a single parent. It was tough, loud, messy, crazy, hilarious, full of love and completely worth it! Enjoy it! Oh how I miss them.
I have decided that I need bloggers as my neighbors because we don’t waste our time on cleaning and landscaping, we do important things, like Listicles.
I have just watched my neighbors pull out and replace their front yard bushes this weekend. This is the third time they have done this since we moved here 14 years ago. I’m still waiting for my pile of mulch to magically spread itself.
Loved your list. Ellen
You’ve got me laughing again! I can relate to all of these, especially on the dangerous one. I like it when my kids come in from riding bikes still wearing their helmets. I figure every extra minute is one of protection from a head injury.
I don’t know… I’m pretty sure the dinosaury ninja-like guys in the picture would take offense at you turning the tv off…
My son is just starting to figure out he can get a reaction or a laugh from different things he says now, especially inappropriate stuff – lol! We really need to work on our poker faces around here! I like your junk drawer as well, I don’t trust people that don’t at least one
OMG sounds like so much fun!!!!
Dangerous made me laugh. And ours might be too. I stay black and blue.
The Hoo-ha drawer – who doesn’t have one? Of course your dad thinks it’s a treasure chest, was he ever disappointed that it lacked an emergency tampon when you needed one? I thought not.
The treasures always had what we needed, even if we didn’t know we needed it!
I LOVED this hilarious list. What a great family! Your house sounds like a blast!