Jackson has a thing about touching. He touches everyone, all the time. He walks up to John and punches him for no reason, then runs away giggling. John does not think it’s funny, especially when he punches him in his boy parts. It happens on a regular basis. Jackson runs up yells, “WEINER!” punches John and runs away.
It’s really no wonder John thinks his little brother is a douchebag.
I’ve tried to stop Jackson from hitting John, but he has short-term memory loss. I think all 5-year-olds do. Plus, John antagonizes him a little. By a little I mean a lot. John antagonizes everyone in this house a lot. Today Taryn tried to tell him a funny story. He listened politely and said, “Taryn, pick a number. Now square it. Now multiply it by zero. That’s how much I care.”
If it was socially acceptable I might punch him for fun once in a while.
Tonight, Jackson threatened to punch me. I told him to drink his milk. He made a karate chop gesture and a weird sound he learned from Kun Fu Panda and said, “I will punch you!”
I said, “Jackson if you touch me I will spank your hiney!”
He calmly lowered his hands. He walked over to me. He said, “whoowaaahhh!”
Then he tapped my cheek with one finger.
I laughed. Seriously, what else could I have done? He’s funny. He’s evil and the source of major damage to my psyche and my liver.
But he’s funny, so he might be my favorite.