The following story is completely true. Seriously, I couldn’t make this shit up.

I took John for his sports physical this morning. The nurse asked him to read the eye chart. She said, “read me the smallest line you can see. John read the fourth line from the bottom. The nurse pointed to the one below it and said, “can you read this?”

He could. Then she pointed to the next, which he also read and the last which he read too. She moved to the right eye and first pointed to the bottom line.

Following instructions is not his strong suit.

The Doctor came in and did typical physical stuff, then it came time to test his eyes. He said, “Ok, John pick a spot on the wall.” John got up from the exam table and headed over to the wall.

No dude, with your eyes.

After that test the Doctor said, “John follow my finger with just your eyes.” John craned his neck. The Doctor said, “let’s try that one more time.” By the third try John managed to accomplish the task.

At this point I was sent out of the room for the turn and cough check. You can understand why I was more than a little worried about how he would handle it. Luckily it seemed to go off without a hitch. He got an A-plus and is cleared for all sports.

However.

Later he told Taryn about the exam. “Yeah, Taryn – Mom had to leave the room so they could check for prostate cancer.”

“Really?”

“Yes, they check for prostate cancer. He held my junk and told me to cough. If your balls go up inside your thing…then you have cancer.”

John and Congressman Akin took the same health class.