You know that thing you did when you were a kid, the thing where you try to slide in bad news with good news so your parents wouldn’t get mad? My eldest son tried to play that trick on us this week.
For the most part, John is a good kid. When he steps out of line it’s in normal teenage ways. While usually irritating, he’s not malicious. He doesn’t talk back much. He doesn’t yell at me when he’s angry or slam doors or do any of the other unpleasant things I sometimes hear about from other parents.
We’re lucky.
John is also an extremely bright kid. He could, if he applied himself, get straight A’s in the most difficult classes. We tell him this all the time, but he doesn’t believe us. We had a couple of years when grades were really an issue. We had to clamp down on him to get his work turned in so he could get credit.
Turning it in was the issue. He would do the work, usually correctly, then lose it or just not turn it in. We went to conferences one semester and sat there as he pulled all the missing work, crumpled and disorganized but complete, out of his binder. It was mind-boggling. He was doing the work, just not turning it in.
Why? Why would anyone ever do that? This was the same year he almost failed gym because he didn’t want to dress out. There was a whole group of boys that just decided they weren’t going to dress out anymore. They would participate in gym, but they’d only get half credit because they weren’t dressed out. He almost failed gym because he didn’t want to change his clothes. He almost failed gym. Seriously.
But, things have changed. He’s doing much better in school. He’s interested and even excited about his classes. He participates and turns in his work. Monday at dinner he told us he had A’s in all but two classes. One class was a B and the other, “was probably a D or an F.”
Umm, excuse me?
We don’t push the kids too hard. When it comes to grades, it’s up to them. We help in any way we can, but they have to do it. The only rule is nothing below a C. Below a C, they start losing privileges. In John’s case it’s soccer. This is hard for me. He loves soccer. He eats, sleeps, and breathes soccer. If he’s not playing it, he’s watching it, if he’s not watching it, he’s talking about it. Sometimes I think it is the only thing that keeps him on the straight and narrow. He made a commitment to his team and we made a huge financial commitment to them. To take that away would be devastating.
But, rules are rules. I struggled with it for days. I was genuinely upset, not just that he had a failing grade but that I was going to have to follow through on a severe punishment. He was angry too. The tension between us was high.
Last night, before heading to his school to hammer it out with the teacher and see what assignments he was missing, what he could make up, and if he could manage a better grade in the next quarter I looked his grades up online. I don’t usually follow their grades online, it’s their responsibility. I wanted to know how bad it was, how many assignments had been missed or tests had been failed.
One missing assignment. One bad test grade, but it had been dropped.
He had a B.
A high B, practically an A.
I’m honestly more mad at him for the stress he caused me than I was for the bad grade.
When my son was in middle school, he asked if he could go out for wrestling. We have a rule, too: grades have to be “above the water line”, or above C (sea) level. Mike kept telling me his grades were fine, but when we got them in the mail, he had two D’s. I went in with him to drop wrestling and ask for a refund of the fees. The ass’t principal told me that they don’t have a grade requirement in middle school. Seriously? Well, we do! Mike had to wait a whole year before he could start wrestling. But his grades were better. We had to bench him a couple of weeks in 9th grade, too. But this year, as a senior, he is in AP classes, and has a really good GPA. Better yet, his football team won the Academic Achievement award for the district. As a teacher, I really appreciate the emphasis put on excellence in all things.
So bravo! And thank you for being willing to follow through.
I hate when you have to follow through on punishments when you really don’t want to, but kudos for being prepared to do it. And even better that you didn’t have to!!
*sigh* This brought back memories of both of my boys…they’d do the work, ace it, and NEVER turn it in! They’d both ace their tests but the way they do the scoring, well, homework is quite a bit of the “whole” grade. Oh man, what a chore that was…glad to say that my daughter was/is (in college now) very diligent about her assignments and has to work hard (unlike the boys) at figuring things out.
I sometimes wish my kids would get a bad grade so I could take away softball. sitting at a ball field and traveling all over creation for games gets old!!!! (who am I kidding, I love it!!)
Are the online grade reports accurate? Do you all need to visit with the teachers face to face? Is John going overboard about a “burp” i his school performance? [My brother was a perfectionist, and took 'B's' really hard - too hard, until some conversation had happened with my folks and his teachers.]
Glad the sanctions were in place, and sorry for the drama. It could be a manifestation of Dallas’ return. I may be over thinking this. You’re doing a good job with your family. Cheers!
My children are grown with families of their own, I’ve already been through all this. Your family is so completely normal and special, it just makes me smile (In this case laugh). You’re doing a great job.
I do check the grades on line! My teen has dialed it up this year. He also can get straight As if he works, but hasn’t always done so. He’s a junior now. Time to get serious! Sorry for the stress but so happy your son had a B!!
It seems that John seriously thought he was going to fail and the fact that he told you ahead of time is commendable. I am so glad it turned out to be high B. Teachers don’t always tell students that the lowest grade is thrown out…helps to keep them trying to get a better grade. Great kid you raised there, takes after his nana!!!
We have a site in MN called Infinite Campus. I’ll never forget looking at my son’s grades, tardies, etc a few years ago, and quite seriously, I got sick to my stomach. He had 33 tardies and I (HIS MOM) DROPPED him off at school every single day.
I will not even go into the grades!
I was soooooooo upset, I almost had to leave work.
Xxx Your son sounds wonderful.
In the end, when we’re reciting all his “John-isms”, that gym class won’t even matter.