I spent some time this week volunteering in Reese and Jackson’s classrooms. I can tell you this, kindergarten teachers are saints.
Seriously.
One morning I went with Reese’s class to a production of The Three Little Pigs. It involved loading both kindergarten classes (Jackson’s included) onto a school bus, walking them through downtown Anchorage to the performing arts center, then waiting half an hour for the show to start. Within that half hour four children had to go to the bathroom. The one unlucky Dad chaperone had to take three little boys (not his own) to the bathroom while the teacher took the little girl. Meanwhile, we had to keep the kids from poking, hitting, pinching, touching, or otherwise annoying each other and making each other cry. Once the play started it kept their interest for about 30 minutes. Toward the middle they started moving around, putting their feet on chairs, leaning forward, and asking to go to the bathroom again. One little girl, I swear spent the whole play strategically moving herself so that whatever way the children in front of her moved they were, “BLOCKING MY WAY!” She said it at least 79 times during the performance.
I almost had a meltdown. If I were alone with my children we would have left so I could get home and mainlinie vodka.
But the teacher, just sat calmly. She reprimanded them without once raising her voice. One of the little girls sat on her lap for half the performance. At the end of it she said, “I think they did pretty well, didn’t they?” I nodded yes, but in my head I thought, “were we in the same building? Ohmygosh these kids are nuts!”
The next day I spent the afternoon in Jackson’s classroom helping with Halloween activities. I knew this day would be more challenging because it’s Jackson. Every time I looked back it him during the previous days play he was picking his nose and eating the boogers. Also, it was Halloween. Holidays make kids lose their little tiny minds.
After two hours in that room I thought I had lost mine. My ears were ringing. My fingers were stuck together with Elmer’s school glue and I had blue frosting under my fingernails. In the two hours I was there Jackson’s teacher managed to get 23 kids to change from snow boots to tennis shoes, do a quiet down exercise, listen to a story, do a fun Halloween project, do another read-along-story, make a monster out of paper and glue, eat and drink a snack, clean up the whole room, calm down and line up for art class. All of that with 23 crying, coughing, punching, kicking, screaming, laughing 6-year-olds.
I couldn’t get Reese and Jackson to do that many activities all summer long.
I told Jackson’s teacher that I could never do her job. That I had a headache. She said it’s the best job ever because all the kids hug her and love her and tell her she’s awesome all the time. I get that, Reese and Jackson still think I’m awesome and beautiful and smart. They tell me the “wuv” me all the time. This is how people wind up with 17 kids.
They just want compliments.
I volunteer each Wednesday in Johnathan’s class for 2 hours. I also drink myself to sleep each Wednesday night… coincidence?
I went in Lily’s class. (3rd grade now). The teacher was as cool as a cucumber though all of the chaos. She was laughing and joking, having a great time. I’m so glad my daughter has her for a teacher this year!!! It made me happy!
I know exactly what you mean. My son’s kindergarten teacher keeps asking me if I want to come and spend a day with them. “It’s really nice for you and them,” she says. “The children love to have their parents there to see how they play.”
I’m like, “Seriously? I see how he plays all freaking day when he’s at home. Does this gig come with booze?”
Aaron brought back a bunch of info the other day from all the inprocessing. One lady told him the are job openings at the childern’s center on Selfridge. I told him he was crazy. Not.a.chance.
Love this! The kindergarten classrooms are right across the hall from the office– it’s a comedy every day…truly don’t know how the teachers do it!
I volunteer in Hank’s class weekly too and think the same damn thing when I get home. I’m surprised the suicide rate amongst kindergarten teachers isn’t higher.
xanax does wonders!!! seriously I would never ever, for all the money in the world, want that job!!! I only like my own kids, and even that is not very consistant!!!
TWO HOURS?? My time in Noah’s classes were never that long. There’s always one annoying kid, one pitiful kid and then Noah who would stare at me and look around like I was the Queen of the classroom. I don’t like other peoples’ kids (unless they’re related and even then…) Being a teacher? HELL TO THE NO. Ohmygosh no way not ever. No No No.
My mother-in-law is a kindergarten teacher!!. She IS a saint and one of the sweetest people i have ever met. She said some days it’s like herding cats, but she loves it! I love hearing her stories when we visit. Tim’s aunt is a high school teacher. Her stories and point of view are very different! LOL! I volunteered in all my kids classes at one time or another. I was always so impressed by the teachers calm way of going about their day. (I think they may secretly drink in the teachers lounge.)
I teach 4th grade now, but taught kindergarten my first year. Never Again! My 4th graders don’t pick their noses and can tie their own shoes(most of them anyway). And we go out at least one Friday a month to drink away the pain
Really, how do Kindergarten teachers stay calm all the time? Maybe they’re from Stepford…
And good for you, volunteering for torture! It’s great birth control, yeah?
I think the same thing about my son’s preschool teacher! I volunteer two mornings a month and I plan my whole week around it – when I come home I make sure there is already a meal in the crock pot and nothing needs to be done around the house because all I want to do is sit and stare at the wall with a glass of wine in hand.
If it’s compliments they want, surely there must be a saner way (and job) ?
Seriously, I don’t know how they do it. Our day care carer looks after 5 crazy toddlers (1 is hers, 2 of them are mine) and she still smiles and manages to hold a conversation with me.
And the whole time – her voice is at a calm, even keel monotone.
How the hell does she do it???
I hear you on the even keen, calm voice. The longest I can hold on to my sanity amidst total typical crazy toddlers/kindergartner antics is 45mins. They are saints.