My least favorite gift this Christmas was a severe case of strep throat. On December 27th I woke up with a dry/scratchy feeling which rapidly progressed to a high fever, chills, and no ability to swallow. I don’t often get so sick that I can’t get out of bed, but this was one of those times. For two days I was snuggled up, drifting in and out of naps, eating applesauce, and watching television.
I spent most of my time flipping between HGTV, TLC, and The Travel Channel. House Hunters, Anthony Bourdain, and Say Yes To The Dress got me through my illness. The programming was mildly entertaining. The commercials made me lose almost all hope in society.
For starters, there were diet ads in almost every commercial block. Sometimes back to back. Marie Osmond selling Weight Watchers, or was it Nutri System. Maybe it was Alli or Special K. I couldn’t keep track of it all. It did not escape me that these ads were often bookended by ads for fatty foods. I see what you’re doing diet industry and I don’t appreciate it.
The ASPCA ads wore me down. I’m already sick, you don’t need to show me sad pictures of cats and dogs while Silent Night plays in the background. Seriously, where do I send the check and how much should I make it out for to get these commercials to stop playing. I can’t handle the depressive break.
There were a lot of gadgets advertised too. Have you seen the hurry cane? It’s a cane that swivels in a circle (like a hurricane – clever) so grandma can walk easier. I worry about the mechanics of that. I think it’s going to break and grandma is going to wind up flat on her face with that cane in a heap beside her.
Another product I saw advertised 479 times was the pedi spin. It’s for foot grooming. Those who know me know I have a long-standing foot aversion In the ad people are using this thing to scrape mountains, literally mountains of calluses off their feet. I’m all for making your grubby feet look better, but showing it on TV is not necessary. Seriously.
Seriously, this made me gag.
My favorite commercial was for HOT BUNS! It’s not what you think. I heard the commercial as I drifted in an out of my Acetaminophen induced coma before I saw it. I assumed it was an ad for workout DVD’s. I was wrong. It’s a device to help women to, “achieve the perfect bun in minutes!” How on earth have women ever lived without this product. I mean, I know I personally have spent hours and hours trying to achieve the perfect bun. Usually I settle for a pony tail held up with a scrunchie. The women in the hot buns commercials are super-excited about this product because it makes their lives so much easier! And it comes in multiples sizes, so they can make fast buns for any occasion! Yay for technology!
Stupid
Are people actually buying this stuff? If aliens are studying us based on our TV commercials we’re doomed. Seriously. They think we’re a bunch of feeble, fat, crusty footed losers who wear our hair in giant buns.
All you have to do is walk into Bed, Bath, and Beyond and you can buy most of that stuff. Sad.
I had strep last year and the painful swallowing was the worst pain I’d ever been in. I hope it goes away soon! Did they give you steroids and whatnot? Mine went away in a matter of hours after they drugged me up.
Thanks, I’m fine now – it took about 4 days to be 100% though!
Feel better soon. I saw the hurry cane and hot buns but thankfully missed the foot grinder!
You’re lucky. It was gross.
You must have missed “Hot Booties.” They’re microwave-able slippers. Oh how WONDERFUL they must smell after some foot ranking sweat soaks them up!!
https://www.orderhotbooties.com/?tag=im|sm|go|gn&a_aid=011&a_bid=6151f0c2
Gross!!
You mean you missed the ear wax vacuum. Q-tips are bad, hear use a quiet vacuum to suck the wax out. Gross!
I did see that one. Yuck! Thanks for reminding me!
I can’t emphasize enough how much I love this blog. This post made reassured me in our decision to not have (real) television. We cheat with Netflix.
I probably should have just turned it off and slept my illness away.
You mean you missed the dog training leash? You Cinch your dog up like a bull and when he tries to go someplace different from where you want to go,you yank it! Hmmm don’t think that one is for me …..but the upside is… 1 good walk and he is neutered! that will save money
I should try that for Sadie.
With dvr, I’ve have the fortune of never watching commercials. Thank goodness too!
Had I planned ahead I would have recorded some better programming!
How about the one with the storage bowls with the attached lids?? “Never spend hours again, trying to find the lid to go with the bowl” AS IF!! I don’t know about you, but if I can’t find a lid to a bowl in 10 seconds, I’m moving on to plastic wrap, tin foil, or another stupid bowl! Seriously, some of those pitch lines are more ridiculous (if that’s possible) than the product being pitched. Happy New Year, Bridget!
Ha! I have a 10 second rule too! Thanks & Happy New Year to you too, Robin!
Any ads for this thing they call a DVR?
Shut up. I don’t record crappy programs just in case I wind up in bed for two days. But, it’s probably not a bad idea.
glad you’re feeling better
Because I’m part robot, I only get sick like once every two years. I also OD on ESPN and Law & Order SVU reruns, cause, you know, Mariska Hargitay makes me feel better.
When John was in the hospital last year all he watched was Law & Order. For five days. Straight. I don’t ever want to see that show again.
PS Your other part must be teenager – you and John will probably get along fine.
You know you’re in a bad way when you are watching infomercials! Glad you feel better and Happy New Year Bridget!
Thanks Stacie! Happy New Year to you too!
Ah, Television. Thank you for reminding me how much I don’t miss it.
Not even when you’re sick and stuck in bed for days? Not even a little?