Undress and get in the water.
Complain that it is too hot.
Wait until your mother has left the bathroom, then yell that the water is now too cold.
Repeat this at least twice.
Lay on the floor of the bathtub.
Slurp water from the floor of the tub.
Splash like you are swimming, do not stop until the shower curtain liner has landed outside of the tub and water freely flows onto the floor.
Smear soap on the floor so you can slide your butt on it.
Squeeze a half a cup of shampoo in your hair.
Do not rinse it out.
Stand under the shower stream and open your mouth.
Spit on the soap.
Get more water and spit on the walls.
Get another mouthful of water.
Climb on the side of the tub.
Place one foot on the soap holder, halfway up the corner of the tub.
Place the other foot on the soap holder.
Spit the water from your mouth on to your Dad’s razor.
When you see your Dad staring at you, claim you were, “cleaning it.”
*Based on actual events. Seriously. This is my life.