Undress and get in the water.
Complain that it is too hot.
Wait until your mother has left the bathroom, then yell that the water is now too cold.
Repeat this at least twice.
Lay on the floor of the bathtub.
Slurp water from the floor of the tub.
Splash like you are swimming, do not stop until the shower curtain liner has landed outside of the tub and water freely flows onto the floor.
Smear soap on the floor so you can slide your butt on it.
Squeeze a half a cup of shampoo in your hair.
Do not rinse it out.
Stand under the shower stream and open your mouth.
Spit on the soap.
Get more water and spit on the walls.
Get another mouthful of water.
Climb on the side of the tub.
Place one foot on the soap holder, halfway up the corner of the tub.
Place the other foot on the soap holder.
Spit the water from your mouth on to your Dad’s razor.
When you see your Dad staring at you, claim you were, “cleaning it.”
*Based on actual events. Seriously. This is my life.
For this reason I am thankful I only have one five year old (who likes to pee in the shower.)
I repeat this is why my children have paws. When we shower they sit in the bathroom and stare at us as though we have lost our minds. End of story. (okay there’s a whole thing where the bathroom door MUST. NOT. BE. CLOSED. EVER. …
But aside from that … end of story.)
Of course they will not care for us when we are old. um … older.
That sounds so very … Relaxing.
Oh and you get this twice!
I’m pretty all set with the divebombs and attempted drownings we deal with now. They are going to have to take showers, too? Crap.
spit cleaning your bathroom…. that’s one way to do it…
Wow, look what I have to look forward to! Although my son took my husband’s ds into the bathtub last night… because he had seen his dad do it
So very, very thankful I’m past this stage of life. Kids just don’t understand the whole “water conservation” thing, or appreciate how desperately you are trying to hold on to that last tiny shred of sanity.
Jackson? You need to get video.
bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! that’s it.
hahahahaha!
I don’t know what was better about this post – the story (which I think my 4 year old has done at least 2/3s of this) or the meme at the end.
A mommy friend just had baby number three, and a mutual friend asked me if it gave me “the bug”. It was all I could do to not a) shriek in terror or b) laugh maniacally in her face.
Wait…let me guess…Jackson?!?! Love that kid! He’s just crazy and charming enough to be an evil genius! Good luck, B. Unfortunately, this stage lasts a while.
bwhahahaha have you ever watched Bill Cosby as Himself. Look it up.. you will enjoy it he describes this exactly.
What a great time! I’m glad my youngest is 9 now…
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
I LOoooove!
My uterus just did a flip!
This can only be Jackson. Love his ideas. Sorry Bridget, you have to laugh at him. he is awesome
My boys take baths. Because it’s easier to play with floating poop. At least your little men clean razors with spit. Disgusting – but it’s the thought that counts, right?
“Ice, Ice, Baby…” – thanks for sticking that song in my head.
My son hasn’t spit cleaned the shower(that I’m aware of), but he soaks the ENTIRE bathroom frequently….because he is trying to get the dog in the shower with him!
Bahaha! At it’s a wonder how they even get clean!!! Ah, to be a fly on the wall in your house!
My 5yo is terrified of the shower because he hates getting water on his ears. This means we only have bath time in our house. I’ve been trying to coax him towards trying to have a shower, but after reading this post I think I’ll stick with baths for just a little bit longer.