This is the “snack” my 16-year-old son made for himself after school.
That’s buttered noodles and mashed potatoes mixed with meatloaf. I asked him if he thought he should eat something more healthy for his “snack” and he said, “I don’t want vegetables when I’m really hungry. They’re not good.” I told him, “well, you might not think they’re good, but they’re good for you.”
He thought for a second and said, “Mom, it’s like going to school after school is over. See, I know school is good for me, but I don’t like it. That’s why I don’t go to school after school is over.”
Right. That’s exactly like snacking on vegetables.
A few hours later (once the lug of starchy foods had made its way from his stomach into our plumbing) he got ready to go to a pick-up soccer game. He wanted to skip dinner so he wouldn’t have to play on a full stomach. I told him that was fine, as long as he had little snack to hold him over. Inexplicably, he had an apple. As I watched him eat (if you’ve ever fed a horse and apple you can go ahead and picture that – it’s pretty much the same thing) I noticed the shorts he was wearing were filthy. Really filthy. I asked if he was planning to wear those shorts to the game. He said, “No, Mom I’m going to change into jeans. Duh.”
I don’t appreciate his sarcasm. I pointed out that those shorts made him look homeless. He didn’t care.
The soccer socks he had on looked equally disgusting. I asked if they were clean. He said, “Yes, they’re clean. I checked. I sniffed them. That’s what I always do with my socks. I hold them up to my face and sniff them really hard to see if they smell bad. Sometimes it gives me a headache.”
I said, “you know, some of us do this weird thing, we put clean clothes in the drawer and then after we wear them we put them in the hamper. That way we don’t have to get headaches from sniffing our socks.”
“Mom, you lost me at drawer. YOLO!”
I decided not to ask how he knew if his underwear were clean.