I never get hit on. Not ever. It’s a fact that probably makes my husband very comfortable and one that doesn’t really bother me. It’s not like I want to be hit on or flirted with, I don’t think I would even know what to do. I’ve been out of the dating racket for longer than I was in it and I have zero interest in going back.
I hear stories about women who run around on their husbands or who get divorced and are suddenly dating all over the place and I don’t know how it happens. Because seriously, no one ever flirts with me. Not even waiters angling for a big tip. No one. Not ever. Where are all these men that are hitting on 40-year-old, married women? Every man I know is married, usually to someone much better looking than me. Or at least someone who doesn’t still wear her hair in a scrunchy. My friend and I had a long discussion about it today, she thinks I’m just oblivious to it. She thinks I’m too busy telling Jackson to stop climbing on things and trying to get John to not dress like a hobo to notice that men do flirt with me. But I think she’s wrong.
It might have something to do with the luggage I have under my eyes. Or the fact that I spend most of my days looking tired and angry. In all honesty I don’t just look tired and angry, I feel tired and angry. I’m angry because I’m tired. And I’m never not tired, so I’m pretty much always angry. I guess it shows. Perhaps the wedding ring combined with the four kids and the look on my face that says, “if one more person talks to me I’m going to throat punch them” keeps all the potential skeevy suitors away.
I’m thinking maybe I need to reinvent myself, first thing to go are the hair scrunchies. Maybe I won’t wear yoga pants every day. Or go to the commissary after the gym, when my hair looks like a rats nest and smells like pre-menopausal sweat. Perhaps I’ll spend more than ten minutes doing both my hair and my make-up. Maybe I’ll give them ten minutes each. Nearly half an hour on personal upkeep has to turn some heads, right? I could get a manicure, I read once that hands are the first thing men notice about a woman. I’m still going with boobs, but maybe some nail polish wouldn’t hurt.
I don’t want anyone to hit on me. Or flirt with me. Yuck, don’t be gross. But it would be nice to know I wasn’t invisible Or worse, totally visible as that crazy lady with the four kids and her hair in a scrunchy. I wonder if a nice manicure and big hoots negates the scrunchy, because seriously I don’t think I can give up scrunchies. What if they’re the source of all my power? Maybe that’s what keeps men from hitting on me. Scrunchies are probably saving my marriage.
All those skeevy creepers that aren’t hitting on you are hanging out at my library. Seriously. I have taken to hiding in the stacks when some of them come in. I’m sure I come off as a cold bitch, but seriously dude, I’m happily married, over 40, and have teenagers. Get a clue & a life!
And it’s your awesomeness that keeps men from hitting on you. They are quite simply intimidated & awestruck!
Having only one boyfriend at age 23 and married said “first and last” boyfriend at age 25 makes me a flirting dimwit.
Anyhow, I think you are just oblivious B. That, or it was a long time you’ve been out in the public without one or two of your adorkable kids!
xoxoxo
Whatever! You are hot! They probably are not flirting with you because they are too mesmerized by your nice boobs!
I agree with the above, I think you’re just too busy with the tiredness and the anger and the four kids to notice the flirting. Think of all the broken hearts and dashed hopes you’re leaving in your wake. (Also, seriously, lose the scrunchy!!!)
I never get hit on either. Or I am just oblivious to it. I never noticed when I was younger and in the dating seen either. I had so many friends that were guys, then my husband told me they were all hitting on me trying to get me to date them. Guess they weren’t doing a very good job.
Please. You have a vagina. They’re flirting. They’re just bad at it.
I wish I could wear yoga pants everyday!!! And also, I love the emi-jay hair ties. http://www.emi-jay.com You should check them out if you decide to ditch the scrunchies.
Not only does your scrunchies have magical deflecting powers, so does your gray soft headband. It always starts in the right position but slowly moves up your head until it looks like you are wearing the hat Abu the monkey wears in Aladdin. Sexy.
Its age. I dont get hit on anymore either. I have a muffin top, you can usually make out my belly button cave through my shirt, and my ass has fallen down the back of my legs. so scrunchy it up sis, I got one in every color!!!
I’m telling you, you’re just oblivious. Also, you’re not skanky so that keeps away the predatory pervs that most married women end up banging on the side.
I think you’re right. I think your scrunchie is your magic force-field. If you took it off, you’d immediately be overwhelmed by sleazy, sweaty, overweight men asking you if you shop here often, suggesting you might like to check out their *eyebrow wiggle* exercise equipment, and referring to you as Taryn’s prettier older sister.
I think I need a scrunchie.
I’m sitting in the reading room of the Sydney City Library trying so hard not to laugh out loud! If scrunchies are saving your marriage, ugly headbands are saving mine. Let’s be angry and tired together! x
Whatever you decide to do with that scrunchy doesn’t make a difference. Guess who still gets hit on by young, good looking men? That’s right – my husband. Bridget…we’re playing on the wrong team, apparently.