I’ve managed to get a handle on our morning routine. After many mornings of tears, pouting, foot stomping, and yelling (some of it even done by the children) we’ve figured it out. We have a schedule that we follow which makes everything easier. The boys seem happy and I almost never think about wine at 7 AM anymore. Part of the routine includes me getting a shower in. I shower every day, sometimes twice. I know it’s neurotic, don’t judge me.
I get the boys clothes out while they finish eating, then I jump in for a quick shower. When I come out, they’re usually dressed and ready to prepare their lunches. Monday I followed the plan, but right as I was about to step in the shower I heard an awful crashing noise. I grabbed my towel, wrapped by wings and things in it and ran to the dining room. Jackson was on the floor with a scrap of paper towel attempting to wipe up spilled milk and cereal.
“It fell” he said.
There’s no chance it just fell. It was pushed, probably by a hand pretending to be a super hero or airplane. Either way there was a bowl of milk and Captain Crunch rapidly spreading on the floor. I grabbed another towel and started sopping it up. On my hands and knees, swatting away the stupid dog, wiping up the mess from the floor, the chair, and the table – wearing only a towel. Jackson wanted more cereal, immediately. He doesn’t understand how to read moods or wait five freaking minutes so I don’t lose my mind.
Deep, cleansing breaths…
Once that mess was cleared up I went back to the bathroom only to find Reese squatting on the toilet. That’s how he does it, in a squat with both feet on the toilet and one hand on the sink for leverage. It sounds weird, but I think it makes it easier to get the browns to the Superbowl that way because his little tushie isn’t sinking. If I were a good Mom we would have a smaller toilet ring for them to use. But I’m not, so we don’t.
I waited for him to finish his business and ushered him out of the bathroom. I flushed, because God knows he would never think to do it, and watched the water not drain. Not even a little. My guess is something else went down the toilet before his poop did, possibly Captain America – I don’t know. When you have kids you never know what’s going to wind up down the drains. I can’t use a plunger, I’m not strong enough I guess. I had to snake it out. I had two options; shower first then snake or snake now and then shower.
Obviously, I’d want to shower post-feces handling so I got out the snake.
I’m still in just a towel. Let me tell you, it’s hard to keep a towel on when you’re dry. Or when you’re trying to clean up spilled cereal or snake a clogged toilet. By the time I got finished I had exactly 27 seconds to shower, get dressed, and take the boys to school because it’s too cold to drive to the school wearing only a towel.
I told this story to Dallas. He said, “I bet it was kinda hot.” Men are stupid.
