First of all, it should be Hillbilly Hand Fishing. If you capitalize a letter, it’s a separate word. I understand that fishin’ is a colloquialism, I just think it’s stupid.
Have you seen this Animal Planet show? It might be the worst reality program I have ever watched. The concept is an adventure-resort setting. The adventure is to catch catfish with your bare hands. As you would expect the visitors are city-types in search of a fish-out-of-water experience. Yes, that pun was intentional.
The episode I saw had father-in-law/son-in-law team from New York City. They epitomized every New York Guido stereotype that has ever been on film. The next was a father/daughter pair from Indiana. These Hoosiers make their living as morticians. Their relationship was creepy and made me feel weird inside. The third pair was a retired husband and wife also from the big apple. She reminded me of Miranda from Sex In The City, only older and more annoying.
It’s all so cliché, I almost couldn’t watch. Wet t-shirts, sexual innuendo, and fish. Yuck. John thinks it is the best show ever, further proof that it’s terrible. He asked if I would ever go hand fishing. No. (I won’t even go fishing with a pole.) He asked what I would do if Dad set it up and surprised me with a hand fishing trip. I told him the only way Dad would do that is if he wanted a divorce.
Here are the other reasons I would never go hand fishing.
1. They wear clothes in the water, not bathing suits. There is no worse feeling than wet jeans and wet shoes. If you are in water you should either be in some sort of swimming attire or naked. Those are the rules.
2. Hand fishing is done in small lakes or ponds. No. I’m a salt water girl. I grew up on Florida’s gulf coast. I have no interest in dirty, stagnant, brown water. Ick.
3. The host of the show has more hair on his back than his head. Back hair makes me vomit in my mouth. Wax it off or wear a shirt, especially if you are going to be on television. Have some decency people.
4. They’re fishing for catfish. I know some people like it, it’s a southern thing I guess. As far as I’m concerned it is a boney, bottom-feeder. Yuck, don’t be gross.
5. In order to get the fish’s attention you have to stick your feet under a rock or in a hole and wiggle your toes. The catfish bite your toes and then you reach down and grab them. That is stupid.
Do these people not know that you can buy fish at the grocery store? Do the viewers not know that Bravo plays a nearly continuous loop of The Real Housewives?
I don’t get it. Do you?