A Christmas Story might be one of the greatest films of all time. I’m not kidding. We love it. That 24-hour thing TNT or TBS (or whatever) does? Love it. We usually watch 12-18 hours of it. I can’t get enough of, “It’s a major award!” and “You’ll shoot your eye out!” I like other Christmas programming too. The Peanuts gang are always welcome as is the original Grinch Movie. I even enjoyed The Elf On The Shelf this year.
I’m not Scrooge, that’s Dallas’ department.
However, there is lots of Christmas programming that makes me want to jab myself in the eye with a candy cane. The networks have gone overboard. At least half of the holiday programming is crap. Seriously. I would know, thanks to Reese and Jackson I’m an expert on crap.
Olive The Other Reindeer - Average book, bad movie. Reese and Jackson won’t watch it. It’s boring. If you are going to try to make a new Christmas tradition, you better make it a good one, like The Elf On The Shelf. No one cares about a dog pretending to be a reindeer.
Hoops & YoYo Ruin Christmas - More like Hoops and YoYo ruin your will to live. The producers of this program hate parents. It’s shrill, like Christmas on crack. My kids act like they’re on crack as it is, I don’t need a program that encourages it.
Polar Express - Creepy. Weird. It gives my children nightmares. I don’t understand the obsession with this movie. It’s all a scam to get parents to spend excessive amounts of money so their kids can ride on that stupid train when it comes to their town. Suckers.
Frosty Returns - The original Frosty The Snowman is the only one worth watching. The End.
Prep & Landing - I’ve only seen part 2, I’m not sure there is a part 1. When did elves become mean little trolls? Another movie that scared my children, thanks for that.
Hallmark Network - Every Christmas movie on Hallmark is puke on film. Christmas is not about a love story. If you’re married forget about rekindling love, Christmas is when you try not to kill each other. Every single one of these movies makes me vomit in my mouth.
Which crappy Christmas movies have I missed?