Tantalizing Tuesday? Dinner With Twins? I need a new name for this segment. Thoughts? Ideas? Comments?

Tonight’s dinner is brought to you by the letters D & J, for Dallas and John.

That’s my husband, Elmer Fudd, and my son, the unibomber.

Salmon W/sun-dried Tomato Marinade, Rice Pilaf, and Grilled Romaine

Ingredients

2 Filets of Salmon

1 Bottle of Lawry’s Sun Dried Tomato Marinade

2 Boxes of Rice-A-Roni Rice Pilaf, cooked according to package directions

2 Heads of Romaine Lettuce

Grated Parmesan

Garlic Powder

Olive Oil

Salt & Pepper

The bottle says to marinate the salmon for half an hour. I did it for about an hour and a half. Dallas is not a big fan of fish, so I was trying to get it to taste more like sun-dried tomato and less like salmon. It still did not permeate to deeply into the fish, but it was good.

Don’t ask why he went salmon fishing if he doesn’t like fish. He’s an idiot.

The first step is to start cooking the rice. It takes about 20 minutes. I know it’s a shortcut, when I have time to learn how to make rice pilaf from scratch I’ll let you know. Don’t hold your breath.

Next, prepare the romaine. You will want to keep the head intact, so rinse it and then lay it in a strainer with the open part down for a few minutes. Don’t worry if there is still a little dirt near the root, you won’t eat that part anyway. Then cut it in half so that the root part continues to hold it together.

Using a paper towel, dry out any remaining liquid. Drizzle both sides with olive oil and season with garlic powder, kosher salt, and pepper. I like a lot. It’s totally up to you, just make sure you use a lot when you have me over for dinner.

Depending on the size of your filets it will take a little more than 15 minutes to cook the salmon on the grill. You could also broil it.

When you think the salmon is less than 10 minutes from being finished you will want to throw the romaine on the grill. It’s just like grilling anything else, don’t freak out.

Once it is nicely charred, flip it over and grill the other side.

It’s really good, trust me.

When it is finished chop off the stem and pull out the yellow leaves. Unless you like the yellow leaves, just don’t tell me about it because it’s disgusting.

The batch of romaine that I had on the top rack did not cook as well as I would have liked. The upside is that even if it doesn’t cook it still tastes great. The sun-dried tomato marinade was good and very easy. It made a mess on the grill though, so use foil.

I’m really serious about renaming this post, so shoot me some ideas. Also, if you have a recipe you’d like me to try send it my way.

Ok, so I didn’t actually call. But it was touch and go there for a second. A grease fire would have made us the worst host family ever.

I have something to confess: I don’t read directions. I’m not even good at following directions. My dad used to say, “when all else fails, go to the trash can, get out the directions, and read them.” I’ve built my life around those words of wisdom. Some days work out better than others.

Tonight I made a nutritious dinner for the kids of fried chicken tenders, french fries, and green beans. Before anyone starts whining about childhood obesity or cholesterol you should know that I actually cut the chicken and the fries myself. I also breaded the chicken myself, so it’s not as bad as it sounds.

The girls were upstairs helping me in the kitchen. The goal of this exchange program is to show them what our life is really like. This is not at all what our life is really like. Usually, I make dinner while Dallas (if he is home) surfs websites about the Army and TCU, the twinkies run matchbox cars on the floor around me, and the twins stare at their iPods downstairs. We’re putting on airs.

I have a fry daddy. The fry daddy has been used exactly one time since it was purchased six months ago. Tonight as I was adding the oil it occurred to me that there was probably a fill line or some directions I should follow. I shrugged off that thought and filled the oil almost to the brim.

Once it heated up I added a couple of handfuls of the fries.

Oops.

In less than 20 seconds oil bubbled up and spilled all over the counter, down the cabinets, and in a big puddle on the floor. Taryn and one of the exchange girls panicked. I tried to be cool.

I’M THE MOM. I CAN HANDLE THIS.

Unplug, grab towels, try not to cry.

It was a close one. The girls got a good laugh. I managed to stop shaking enough to sip some vino and get myself together.

Seriously, I’m the worst mom ever.

This was also evidenced  toward the end of dinner. Jackson turned to our guest and asked her if she was ready to play the Wii with him again.

I said, “No, Jackson, no more video games tonight.”

He replied, “Ok, Mommy thanks for taking such good care of me. I love you.”

Stop laughing, it could have happened.

Actually he looked me right in the eye and said, “I wasn’t talking to you.”

Lift glass, swallow wine, try not to cry.