What’s in your purse? That’s the topic chosen by the lovely Stasha and Ducky from Batcrap Crazy. I recently downsized from a ginormous purse to this one because it keeps me from hauling around everyone else in the family’s stuff.

Your eyes are not deceiving you, it’s red. I like my purses like I like my wine. Sadly, there is no wine in my purse, at least not right now.

10. iPhone - I dropped it in a cup of coffee, so it has some charging issues. It’s either in my hand, my purse, or on the charger.

9. Receipts - Some of them I need to keep, but a few are from the grocery store. There’s a coupon on the back to our favorite Mexican restaurant, so I always keep some handy. You never know when you’ll need emergency carne asada and margaritas.

8. Keys - Someone, I won’t name names but I’m married to him, throws his keys anywhere which means they are perpetually lost. I keep my keys in my purse, so they are hardly ever lost.

7. Wallet - Also recently downsized, so it doesn’t even hold my checkbook and photos anymore. Often Dallas’ wallet is in my purse too because he “doesn’t like to sit on it all the time.” This proved to be a very poor choice on our trip back from Hawaii. Our friends had generously dropped our van off hours before our flight arrived. We got in at 5 AM, Dallas went to find the car while I waited for the bags. Once I had them he would just pick me up. It was an excellent plan, until I got this text:

Woopsie. He didn’t have any money to get the car out of parking. Needless to say, he stopped putting his wallet in my purse.

6. Blockbuster Video Card - I guess I can get rid of that now.

5. Boob Card - Seriously. My hoots have a serial number on them. If I ever get murdered and they cut off my hands and pull out all my teeth I can be identified by the my fun bags. Hopefully they won’t get chopped off too.

4. Purse Hanger - I hate when restaurant chairs won’t hang my purse. This little thing is the best investment I ever made. (Please ignore my freakishly long fingers.)

3. A folded up paper with this written on it:

*After Fred Astaire’s first screen, a 1933 memo from the MGM testing director said, “Can’t act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” Astaire kept that memo over his fireplace in his Beverly Hills home.

*A relatively unsuccessful marketer of restaurant equipment, he didn’t sell his first hamburger until age 52. At a time when many people prepare for retirement, Ray Kroc built McDonald’s from a handful of hamburger stands into the world’s largest food chain.

*When his older brother was killed during WWII, he first withdrew into a shell. Then he began to listen to the radio to ease his pain. Soon he was dreaming about hosting his own radio show. That led Dick Clark to start American bandstand.

*Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper for lacking ideas. He also went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland.

2. This quote:

1. And this quote from St. Francis de Sales:

“Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You’re a perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs or tribulations can ever change that. Unconditional self-acceptance is the core of a peaceful mind.” 

What’s in your purse?

When I was a kid I dreamed of writing a blog that my family and tens of other people read. See, dreams totally come true! I’m kidding, of course. I really dreamed about cleaning up other people’s bodily functions, cooking, and cleaning on repeat seven days a week. Double win!

No seriously, I didn’t dream about any of the crap that is currently my life. Stasha and Wendy at Twisted Domestic Goddess want to know what I really wanted to be when I grew up. This is probably going to be more depressing than my actual life.

I Dreamed These Dreams

10. I wanted to be the girl in ZZ Tops “Legs” video. Post-makeover of course. I could never be a shoe salesperson (her pre-make-over self) because feet are gross.

9. Elizabeth Wakefield. Not Jessica, she was a hussy.

8. A veterinarian. I wanted to be a vet for a long time, but only for cats. I am totally a cat person (I don’t have one because of Dallas’ alleged allergies) because cats don’t care if you like them or not. That makes them awesome. Once I realized being a vet was more than just playing with cats I changed my mind.

7. A Catholic Nun. Stop laughing, I’m serious. I went to Catholic school most of my life and had fabulous Sisters as teachers. We used to go visit the convent once a year and play softball and make crafts with them. It seemed like the ideal life. The closest I got was being a Stage Manager for an undergraduate production of Nunsense II.

6. A Singer. Not that I can sing. At all. But neither can half the people on the radio, so I totally could have done this.

5. Secretary. The kind that wore pencil skirts and filed her nails all day long. If there are any jobs for that kind of secretary, I’m available. (Also, I’ve never seen Mad Men, but this photo seemed to fit.)

4. A teacher. I majored in Education for one semester. Then I remembered that I don’t like kids.

3. Stage Manager. I have a MA in Theatre with an emphasis in Stage Management. Not an ideal job for someone with a giant herd of children. C’est la vie.

2. A college professor. It’s just like being a teacher, only the kids are shaped like grown ups.

1. Independently wealthy. I’m still hoping this might pan out.

What did you want to be when you were a kid?