I haven’t done a recipe in a long time. I liked doing them, but it didn’t seem like you guys enjoyed them very much.

Also, I’ve stopped cooking real food. Neither here nor there.

I’m making an exception. If you have teenagers you will need this recipe in your repertoire.

How To Make Ramen

“Mom, can you make me some Ramen noodles?”

“John, can you boil water?”

“Umm..no. How? Can you make me Ramen?”

“No, you can make yourself Ramen. Get that pot and fill it with six cups of water.”

“Seven cups?”

“No six.”

“Seven?”

“Six. Stop it, you’re not funny.”

*Open every cabinet in the kitchen. Check in all the drawers.

“What do I use to measure six cups, this? (holding up a drinking cup)”

“No, use the measuring cup. It’s in that cabinet. Not that one. The one right next to you.”

“This one?”

“Yes, that’s two cups so you need three of them.”

“Three?”

“Yes, two times three is six.”

“Um, ok. Where’s the Ramen?”

“It’s in the lazy susan.”

“Umm…”

“The cabinet that spins.”

“Oh, ok. How do I open this?”

“Seriously?”

“Ok, I’ve got it.”

“Wait, don’t put the noodles in! You have to boil the water first.”

“Turn the burner on. The one that says FRONT.”

“ok…”

“Turn it the other direction. Ok, make it stop clicking, the burner is on.”

“How?”

“Just turn it a little more. Now put the lid on.”

“Now do I add the noodles?”

“No. Wait for it to boil.”

*Jump around the kitchen. Tease your brothers. Pour a giant glass of milk. Eat some chips. Tell your mother useless soccer factoids.

“Ok, now that it’s boiling, put in the noodles. NOT THE SEASONING PACKET JUST THE NOODLES!”

“Now what?”

“Set the timer for three minutes.”

*More useless soccer factoids.

“Now what?”

“Drain  most of the water, then put the noodles in a bowl with the seasoning.”

“Then what?”

“Stir it.”

“Ok…”

“That’s it. Eat it.”

“Oh, wow that was easy.”

You’re welcome. Don’t expect any more recipes for a while.