It’s not you, it’s us. Seriously, this is how dinner runs around here.
Reese: I opened a new Mario character today.
Taryn: Mario who? What’s Mario’s last name?
Reese: He doesn’t have one.
Taryn: Everyone has a last name.
Reese: Not if you’re just a video game.
Taryn: Yes, he does. I think it’s Brother. His middle name is Mario and his first name is Super.
Reese: No it’s not.
Taryn: Then what is it?
Jackson: I think his last name is Shut Up Taryn.
John: Do you know that if you leave the toilet seat up the poop particles in the water come up and get on your toothbrush? That’s what causes strep throat.
Me: False. Stop talking.
Jackson: Why is there a pineapple over there.
Taryn: Because that’s where Sponge Bob lives.
Reese: Nah uh, Taryn. Sponge Bob is just on TV. He’s not real.
Taryn: Yes he is, he lives in that pineapple.
Dallas: No because that pineapple is not underwater.
Reese: Right, because it’s not underwater and Sponge Bob is underwater.
Me: What if we put it in the bath tub?
Reese: No. No, because sponges aren’t real. They can’t talk.
Taryn: What about Sandy?
Reese: She’s not real either.
Me: But she’s a squirrel. Squirrels are real.
Reese: Because she wears a dress. Squirrels don’t wear dresses.
Taryn: It’s not a dress it’s a two piece bathing suit.
Reese: It’s a dress.
Taryn: No, it’s a bathing suit. Listen, I’ve been watching Sponge Bob a lot longer than you. I think I know.
Reese: Well, I think I know, she’s wearing a dress.
Me: What about Squidward? He just wears an apron.
John: No Mom, he wears a shirt. A brown shirt.
Jackson: I think he wears a shut your stupid ugly face.
Yeah…so we won’t be having any of you over for dinner until the kids move out. Maybe not even then.