It’s not you, it’s us. Seriously, this is how dinner runs around here.

Reese: I opened a new Mario character today.

Taryn: Mario who? What’s Mario’s last name?

Reese: He doesn’t have one.

Taryn: Everyone has a last name.

Reese: Not if you’re just a video game.

Taryn: Yes, he does. I think it’s Brother. His middle name is Mario and his first name is Super.

Reese: No it’s not.

Taryn: Then what is it?

Jackson: I think his last name is Shut Up Taryn.

John: Do you know that if you leave the toilet seat up the poop particles in the water come up and get on your toothbrush? That’s what causes strep throat.

Me: False. Stop talking.

Jackson: Why is there a pineapple over there.

Taryn: Because that’s where Sponge Bob lives.

Reese: Nah uh, Taryn. Sponge Bob is just on TV. He’s not real.

Taryn: Yes he is, he lives in that pineapple.

Dallas: No because that pineapple is not underwater.

Reese: Right, because it’s not underwater and Sponge Bob is underwater.

Me: What if we put it in the bath tub?

Reese: No. No, because sponges aren’t real. They can’t talk.

Taryn: What about Sandy?

Reese: She’s not real either.

Me: But she’s a squirrel. Squirrels are real.

Reese: Because she wears a dress. Squirrels don’t wear dresses.

Taryn: It’s not a dress it’s a two piece bathing suit.

Reese: It’s a dress.

Taryn: No, it’s a bathing suit. Listen, I’ve been watching Sponge Bob a lot longer than you. I think I know.

Reese: Well, I think I know, she’s wearing a dress.

Me: What about Squidward? He just wears an apron.

John: No Mom, he wears a shirt. A brown shirt.

Jackson: I think he wears a shut your stupid ugly face.

Yeah…so we won’t be having any of you over for dinner until the kids move out. Maybe not even then.

 

Reese is collecting popsicle sticks to make a craft. So far he has two.It should be ok becuase though we are not a crafting family we are (proudly) a popsicle eating one – even when it’s -15F outside. After dinner he and Jackson each had a popsicle. Reese asked if he could have Jackson’s. Of course, Jackson said “no.” He said if Reese already had two sticks and he gave him his he would have four.

We said no Jackson, two plus one is three. He repeated, “No, if he has two and I give him mine he’ll have four.”

“No Jackson” I said, holding up two fingers on one hand and one on the other, “two plus one is three.”

“Nope, he’ll have four.”

“Jackson, look at my fingers and count them; one, two, three. If you have two and you add one you’ll have three.”

“If he has two and I give him mine he’ll have four.”

Dallas said, “Jackson, be serious. Look at Mommy’s fingers, two add one is three.”

“Four.”

“Jackson, how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Four hundred!”

“I was just kidding Mom, I said four hundred. I meant four!”

“Jackson, stop joking around. How many fingers am I holding up?”

“CHICKEN!”

Dallas and I passed each other worried looks. He’s half way through kindergarten, shouldn’t he know two plus one? Dallas said, “Now Jackson, really if Reese has two popsicle sticks and you give him yours how many will he have.”

“Four.”

“No, three.”

“No Daddy, he’ll have four. He has two, I’ll give him mine and he’ll have the one he’s eating. Four.”

Outsmarted by a kindergartener.

Again.